So Many Friends and Family. I Can’t Afford Gifts for All of Them.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling like we need to give as good as we receive. But many younger adults like my friends and me have varying lifestyles and budgets. Some of us have jobs with pay that allows for a little splurging during the holidays and birthdays; others can’t afford more than a small token. So how do we give those Champagne gifts on a Prosecco budget?

Check your list

The first step is determining whether we really need to buy gifts for everyone in our lives.

Giovanna “Gigi” Gonzalez, a financial educator and author of “Cultura & Cash,” grew up watching an aunt show up each Christmas with presents for every family member. “I felt that, OK, this is what we do for our family. We just splurge and everybody gets a gift,” Gonzalez says. “I did that the first, maybe, two Christmases right out of college when I was earning a steady paycheck. And very quickly I noticed, oh, I got myself into a little credit-card debt.”

Now, Gonzalez says, her list is her husband, two best friends, the kids in the family, and a white-elephant gift exchange “because that’s what feels aligned with my spending and my values.”

But whittling down the list can be complicated. How do you decide who makes the cut—and what is the criteria? What about the guilt? And how do you explain it to the people who fall off the list?

One friend who works on Broadway struggles with this because he doesn’t visit family for the holidays. He tends to make up for his absence with presents, putting money that he would have spent on travel toward the gift cost. And while he budgets for everyone, he usually spends a little more on his brother and sister-in-law “because they do too much for me.” Still, he admits that he often spends more on gifts than he wants to, even if he can afford it, because “the obligation of family gifts is strong.”

I’ve long stopped giving gifts to casual friends, but I have started to reconsider whether I should extend gifts to the partner of my best friend, or even my brother-in-law.

One strategy that could work for both birthdays and holidays is getting everyone in the family or friend group to agree to shared gifts, something experts I spoke with say could help avoid hurt feelings. That allows you to slim down your list without singling out anyone. And chances are your friends and family, especially younger ones, will be receptive to—even relieved about—that approach.

One acquaintance who is still in college mentioned that her friend was eyeing a $200 pair of earrings. The friend group decided to pool their money to contribute to half the amount needed for the jewelry as a birthday gift—“and that’s only because she’s a really good friend,” she says.

Stick to a budget

I have to admit, though, I struggle more with reining in the amount that I spend than with the actual size of my list.

For my sister’s 35th birthday, I splurged on a vintage Louis Vuitton bag—not anywhere near as expensive as a new one, but definitely more than any bag that I’ve bought for myself. I’ve split the cost of a whole wheel of cheese for someone’s 30th birthday. Extravagant? Yes, but worth it for the story.

A few people have suggested saving for gifts for holidays, birthdays and other special events in the same way one would save for travel—by putting a little money away each month and creating a “sinking fund.” Any gifts come from that pool of money, helping to avoid overspending.

“If it’s putting 25 bucks or 50 bucks throughout the year, that can be a good amount of money by the end of the year,” says Aja Evans, a financial therapist and author of “Feel-Good Finance.”

Even knowing the budget can help you set expectations early on, Evans says. With my sister, for instance, she suggests a straightforward conversation. “Say, ‘Hey, this is my budget for the year. I want to get you something really, really amazing, but I also want you to understand where I’m coming from.’ ”

This is what Tiktokers refer to as loud budgeting. It’s when “you clearly communicate your money goals to someone who is asking you to spend your money outside of those money goals,” Gonzalez says.

If this “is a year that you want to be more mindful of that spending,” she says, “this is the time to loud budget and say, ‘Hey I just wanted to let you know I cut my gifting budget by X, so gifts are going to look a bit different.’ ”

This might be especially helpful if you have income that varies from year to year, like my Broadway friend. He’s created pre-established guidelines for the only two friends he exchanges holiday gifts with. For one of them, his roommate, “we have a conversation every year about what we are willing to spend,” he says. With the other, they had a conversation years ago about not needing to buy big gifts to show love. “I do something small like a cool sock,” my friend adds.

The best gifts

Of course, great gifts and high prices aren’t always correlated. Etiquette expert Myka Meier says that I shouldn’t just be thinking about cost, but also about thoughtfulness. “Within your budget, how can you make something more luxurious or thoughtful?” she asks.

When polling my friends, the gifts they recommended weren’t ones that cost money, but the ones that took time and effort. This might mean making handmade gifts or baking treats, as a dance classmate shared. Another friend noted that Etsy was a great place for adding personalized elements to everyday basics, like engraved coasters representing past vacations together.

“Look for something that says, ‘I see you, but with my price point and sensibility,’ ” says a friend who I call the Martha Stewart of my life because of her excellent collection of home goods and clothing. She suggests something handmade, customized or thrifted.

Meier says one of the best gifts she’s ever given contained all three of those attributes. One year, her brother wanted bookends. After considering a few pricey options, she ultimately purchased brass duck bookends at a flea market in Brooklyn that she personally polished and fixed up. “They were spectacular. And I think they were no more than $30,” she says.

That gave me some inspiration for my sister’s gift. I found a vintage Gucci shoehorn from an online secondhand store. It will need some fixing up and a good polish, but I’m hoping it will make the everyday act of putting on shoes just a little more luxurious for her.

Jessica Chou is a senior supervising producer for The Wall Street Journal in New York. Email her at jessica.chou@wsj.com.

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